Where are you in your healing process?

Posted by Julette Millien at 7/1/2009 4:18 PM
Categories: Healing Process, My Struggles and Triumphs
Tags: guilt childhood sexual abuse childhood experiences Facebook note shame Forgiveness

I read a 'Note" some time ago by a Facebook friend and it was thought provoking.  No, actually it was upsetting.

 

The writer suggested that because of the existence of eternal souls, when even a baby is sexually abused, the baby's soul has somehow drawn the attack onto itself.   (The note said much more than this but this piece got the most attention)

 

Well that was a show stopper.  The note received over a hundred comments.

 

You can just imagine how people who have struggled all their lives with the consequences of childhood sexual abuse, who might not be receptive to this 'eternal souls' concept, felt as they read those words.

 

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA,) I spent much of  my life getting over the blame/guilt trip that is very common among survivors.   As a child and well into adulthood, I was sure I caused those horrible events.  Seeing this new perspective - that my soul was partly responsible for manifesting the abuse -  took some effort.

 

Once I got past my own experience and emotions  I was able to at least hear the debate and even accept parts of the argument.

 

What I accepted and what I disagreed with it is not really my focus in this writing.  At another time,  I would love to explore those ideas further.

 

Today I want to highlight these questions:

 

    * In terms of your healing process, whether from CSA or any other violation, WHERE ARE YOU?

 

    * Are you able to read or hear opinions that differ fundamentally or partly, with your beliefs about the incidents and NOT be forced into reliving the pain of the event?

 

    * What is your reaction upon hearing that (someone thinks) you had a part in a violation that has caused you tremendous pain and damage?

 

 

Here's the thing to consider.   If you are truly interested in releasing the baggage of personal abuse or violation, commiting to these three things is vital:

 

   1. Accepting yourself as whole and valuable, as is, is mandatory. No one's opinion or belief can/shouldreally alter your value.

   2. Being honest with yourself to be able to recognize old unresolved pain for what it is, iscrucial

   3. Having the courage to recognize, acknowledge and seize an opportunity for growth and healing is essential

 

 

Without these three conditions, you'll find the healing process like a roller coaster ride.  Up,down and all around.

 

Conversations, writings and people will be able to easily trigger emotions and memories while you miss one opportunity after another for deep and profound healing.

 

You see, the healing process is alive and organic. Itdoesn't happen once and then you stop.

 

 We live in a world of constant activity and challenges.

 

An easily bruised sense of self is at the mercy of all things, all people, if it is pegged to past healing experiences or to past insights.

 

So here's a useful goal. Get to a point where you're able to withstand ANY opinion or belief and participate in the process, respectively agreeing to disagree if necessary WITHOUT flashbacks, rage, hurt and/or attacks on the bearer of the news.  (I know, I know, this ain't easy!)

 

Sometimes, depending on the view expressed, a certain amount of passionate disagreement is necessary but boy does it take supreme discipline to NOT get your personal story, (from a perspective of pain) entangled with your position!

 

I thought long and hard, even said a prayer, before making my first comment at this provocative note. I realized quickly that the writer's view was simply that: her view!!

 

It had absolutely NO bearing on me and my responsibility or lack, for my childhood abuse. NO bearing on my value as a human being, made in the image of God. None whatsoever.

 

By relaxing my own personal and internal defenses, I was able to recognize the aspects of truth. I was even able to locate those beliefs that were completely consistent with my own intellectual and spiritual understanding of our universe.  My mind and heart was able to expand to take in something new.

 

 If I had just clicked off based on my first,  huh?! I would've missed a great opportunity to soften my heart even more.

 

I encourage you to grab all opportunities to respond to a variety of "triggers" and, the more the better.

 

Surviving abuse or violations of any kind, does something to our hearts, our love center:  Most times it bruises, scars and toughens up our heart.

 

We need real life experiences - challenging ones even,  to give us the practice and workout required to limber up once more.

 

Being able to love like I've never been hurt is my goal, every day.  What's yours?

 

Where are you in your healing process?

If not here, write your answers somewhere. 

Wishing you peace, joy and love,

Julette Millien

♥~

 

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