I was talking to someone the other day about a challenge he was having with friends, family and colleagues. Somehow their sensitivities and egos were getting in the way of receiving his valuable feedback and gestures of love, he thought.

I wondered about that.  Knowing my wonderful friend as I do, I had to wonder how NICE he was being…or being perceived to be, by his family, friends and colleagues.

We often look at other people’s behavior as bizarre, not facing the fact of OUR part in producing those reactions and behaviors.

Taking a time out to reflect on HOW you are behaving and being perceived is essential if you’d like to offend less and love more. If you’re tired of apologizing for the same mistakes, read on.

If you’d like to be perceived as the loving and nice person you really are, start with these steps:

First observe your interactions…objectively.  Well, as much as you can be.

Then, get some feedback from some folks you trust.

Finally, reflect on ALL input in stillness and silence.

Ask yourself these 5 power questions:

1. Can people’s response to me be triggered by something I do without thinking?

2. What are some of the things I do that can be offensive or misunderstood?

3. What’s below the water line here? (as in below the tip of the iceberg) What’s causing me to behave in these ways?

4. What can I do differently to ensure I behave the way I intend to and not in some unconscious manner?

5. What can I do to ensure my heart stays in the right place and not be swayed by others’ offensive behavior?

A suggested action step ► Write out and reflect on these answers.

If we don’t take time-outs to evaluate our behaviors we could be creating, or adding to the creation of stressful relationships.

So to avoid having to apologize again and again for the same violations, take a time-out and reflect on “how can I be nicer?”

Let these 5 points be your guide:

• Let LOVE be your guiding thought and emotion as you interact with people.

• Make room for improvement in your communication skills.

• Be emotionally honest with yourself and others.  Give people what you expect them to give you. (like respect, attention, etc.,)

• Think creatively about how to improve relationships with people.  Put into practice!

• Practice what you preach (inner dialogue matching outward behavior) and be consistent – no “moodiness” allowed in loving relationships.

Change really is an inside job.  What we observe in others and especially those behaviors that aggravate us are usually indicators of areas for our own improvement.   We see ourselves in others and we get bothered!

Follow Gandhi’s advice and “be the change you wish to see” in your relationships and in the world.

Wishing you Abundant Love and Light,

Julette

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