Seriously? You're suggesting I forgive him even though he hasn't as mush as LOOKED like he's sorry, much less said it?

These words ring in my head constantly as I can't even count the number of people who've said them to me.

YES!  Forgiving without the apology is my suggestion. 

Here's the thing, WHO IS forgiveness for?  It's for YOU.  Not the person being forgiven.  Primarily that is. 

They do get something from it too.  When I'm forgiven for something, I feel love from the person.  I feel relieved.  I surely get something from it.  So it's not like the forgiven gets nothing. 

BUT it's not your primary purpose or gain.  The primary benefit is to YOU.  If you take yourself out of the picture and forgive to please someone else, that's martyrdom.  Taking yourself out of it is probably the same as denying your feelings.  THAT will come back and bite you you know where.

Now if something is not really bothering you so much, meaning you have little or nothing to forgive, then maybe you are doing it primarily for the other person's benefit.  Is that then considered forgiveness?  Or just letting a person know that what they did was no big deal? Think about that.

Maybe forgiveness is used as a means to an end sometimes? Hmmm. ( a whole other conversation)

ANYWAY, here's the thing.  Since forgiving is primarily for YOU, what does it matter if a person says sorry or not? Is remorseful or not? Sure, it makes it easier to forgive.  We like to know people cared enough to be sorry.

But if they're not sorry - or they may be sorry, but has issues with saying it - you still need to do what's best for YOU.    And doesn't it make sense to do this thing that's best for you, as soon as possible, without waiting for someone's remorse to kick in?

If you've been violated or offended the fastest way to survive it and remove yourself from the victim place, is to DECIDE what the best move is for you.  Waiting for someone else to feel something or do something is NOT taking control of your situation.  Becoming a survivor in every sense of the word is based on a decision to take action.

Taking control means YOU take action based on decisions you come to, after analysis or inspiration.

So, yes, forgive without the apology.  That is actually an even stronger decision - you'll get even more spiritual mileage out of such an action.

Think of it this way.  Isn't it easy to love folks who love you back? And to love folks you really like?  Same with forgiveness.  It's much easier to forgive someone who is begging for it.

The real challenge and hence the real benefits come from loving the 'unlovable' and forgiving the "unforgivable."   The bigger the challenge, the bigger the benefits that come from meeting the challenge.

Consider the people in your lfie who are not remorseful for offending or violating you in the past. 
Are  they still the source of great psyche pain to you? 
Do they deserve to have control of your life right now?  
If you  forgive them, they loose control, immediately.

Waiting for an apology is giving up control of your life. Do you really want to do that?

Peace & Love,
Julette
♥♥♥