Did You Really Forgive? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself.

Posted by Julette Millien at 11/19/2008 5:34 PM
Categories: Forgiveness Exercise



Very often I'm told - "I don't need to forgive (this or that person) because I already did" I say "Really?"

It just didn't appear to be the case.

So over the years, I've learned to ask some follow-up questions, to have the person reflect on whether they have forgiven, for real.

Here they are - ask them of yourself if you think you've forgiven someone, yet you feel unsure:

  1. Do you remember when you decided to forgive?
  2. What was the thought/emotional process? (not remembering anything about the process would be a red flag)
  3. When you think of the person, do you feel something?
  4. What do you feel? (something negative would be a red flag)
  5. If you pray, when you do, do you think of the person with prayerful thoughts and wishes?
  6. Do you wish them well?
  7. Are you polite when you see them?
  8. Can you defend them, if you had to?
  9. Would you help them if you can?
  10. When you remember the violation, are you able to find a positive result of what transpired?
Answering 'Yes" to questions 5 - 10 is a very good sign that you have truly forgiven this person.  

Forgiving is a process we remember, especially if we took some time to get there.  If you're not remembering anything about it, chances are you haven't done it.  

Having negative feelings towards someone you forgave is entirely possible - if it doesn't last long and if  it doesn't happen consistently.  Flashbacks are human.  Forgiving is a process.

So, think about your answers, write some thoughts and discuss with a friend.  It's important to accept where you are in your process.  As long as you're on the path of forgiveness, with your heart committed to getting there, you will.  And there is no fault along the way.

In Light & With Love,
Julette
♥♥♥

P.S.
Are there any questions you would add to the list?

Do you disagree with any of the questions?

Please share, someone else is sure to benefit.

 

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