How to Write a Note to say "I forgive You."

Posted by Julette Millien at 10/2/2008 3:13 PM
Categories: Forgiveness Exercise


Many people have decided to forgive but get stuck at the writing stage. I've had this inquiry again
and again. But you may be thinking "what's there to write?"

Well, if you've been carrying a burden around and then decide to drop it, that is surely a wonderful thing. 
You know it in your heart and you may think that is enough. 

But it helps when you go a step further.  How about letting the person know?  This may not be the most
pleasant thought AND it doesn't let them off the hook!  Remember, by forgiving you're not saying,
"what you did was right."

Taking this extra step confirms your commitment to letting go.   Also, if you're interested in having them be
released from the guilt of the offense, letting them know is necessary. 

So let's look at writing a forgiveness note.  Once you’re clear about the recipient(s) of your
forgiveness, begin to draft very short and concise statements of release. 

The note should include:
  • a greeting - calling the person by name is best
  • a kind statement of interest in the person’s well-being
  • a brief statement of what you’ve been hanging on to
  • one sentence dedicated to your desire to release this memory and forgive this person
  • a sentence about setting up a time for conversation or NOT 
  • a sentence of acknowledgment (accountability) if needed
  • End with a wish for well-being or otherwise kind wrap-up

If the person has previously apologized, make it clear here that you’ve accepted the apology.  If the person
has not apologized, leave it alone. 

If you’d like to speak to the person, then request time for a conversation.  If you’d rather not, say so, but
without any bitterness; just be clear and kind. 

Remember you don’t have to continue a relationship after you’ve forgiven.  You can say goodbye
and forgive at the same time.  A toxic connection should not continue as proof that you’ve forgiven. 
That only proves that you’re in a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship. 

Now if there’s no real present toxicity, only bad memories that you need time to get past, this is sufficient
reason as well to sever a connection, temporarily.  Continuing the relationship or not is entirely up to you
and forgiveness can still take place without a relationship in place. 

If in your heart you’re still angry with this person, you’ve got to release this.  “Forgiving” them won’t do much
for you. And they will no doubt pick up on the anger, so your forgiveness won’t truly release them either.  
And this is because it’s not truly forgiveness! 

If there's anger still brewing, maybe you might want to move onto someone else on your list, who you’ve
entirely released, and begin with them.

Now back to the letter, if you need to take responsibility for any part of the event or exchange, do so as
directly and concisely as you can.   This is where many people get stuck.  They think by acknowledging
their role in an exchange, they’re letting the person totally off the hook,  That’s not true.  You can say
‘I had this part to play and I’m sorry about that’ without taking responsibility for the whole thing.  
This adds integrity and goodness to your forgiveness.  

The person receiving this would be more inclined to have a miracle moment if your approach is filled with
integrity.  The more miracle moments the better!  ( a miracle moment = a change of heart)

End it with a wish or prayer for the person’s well-being, then close with a kind wrap-up. 

  Here’s a sample:

 
Dear Steve,
I hope all is going well with you and the family.  I’ve been wanting to write to you, so here I am finally!

You know, we’ve had some rough times and as you know I’ve been hurt by many things you’ve

done.  I’ve kept that hurt alive with memories and bad feelings. 

I want you to know that I’m not doing that anymore.  I’ve released the pain, anger and any bad feelings that came from that initial hurt.  I’ve released you too. 

Please know that I’ve forgiven you for all of it. I encourage you to forgive yourself too. 

The lightness of spirit that I feel now is wonderful.

I’d also like to acknowledge that my initial reaction to being hurt was to lash out with “ anger” (really hurt and pain coming out as anger) and I’m sorry for any pain I caused you as a result.

Maybe one day we can meet and things will be easier and lighter between us. Until then be well

and remember tomorrow is not promised to any one of us.

With Kind Regards, (or, With Love…depends on relationship)
Julette


Your Turn:

What is missing from this note?  Anything you would HAVE to add?

Off the top of your head, how many people could you write one of these to?

Who would you love to receive a note like this from?


Wishing You Abundant Peace and Joy,
Julette
♥♥♥

P.S. Create the space in your life to be truly at peace and filled with prosperity...forgive yourself and someone else today!


 

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